ASK ESMEEsme, my humans are terrible bed hogs, but if I complain, they dump me out on the cold floor or lumpy dogbed. Is there any way to change this? Sometimes I just want to bite something. -- frustrated Irish Setter
Dear Frustrated, Never, never, never bite your humans. I know it will feel satisfying at the time, but remember, humans are extremely sensitive and can sulk for days. I have never met any creature who can hold a grudge quite as long as a human. Personally, I think it is a no-fur thing.
If you must bite something, try their shoes, or the UPS man. Or bite their pillow. Even humans do that sometimes, in spite of the fact that they are dentally challenged.
Proper bed manners are important to instill in your humans as soon as you acquire them. It is never too early to start. Since yours have already developed the habit of thinking the bed belongs to them, you will have to be patient for a while. Remember, it is not their fault: they do not understand.
Humans must be taught the true nature of relaxation. (photo © Jerri Langlais)
To start with, never work on two humans at the same time. Pick ONE. It doesn’t matter which one.
The One-Not-Chosen. (photo © Pat Hess)
If you must bite something, try their shoes, or the UPS man. Or bite their pillow. Even humans do that sometimes, in spite of the fact that they are dentally challenged.
Proper bed manners are important to instill in your humans as soon as you acquire them. It is never too early to start. Since yours have already developed the habit of thinking the bed belongs to them, you will have to be patient for a while. Remember, it is not their fault: they do not understand.
Humans must be taught the true nature of relaxation. (photo © Jerri Langlais)To start with, never work on two humans at the same time. Pick ONE. It doesn’t matter which one.
The One-Not-Chosen. (photo © Pat Hess)Enter the bed with an air of humility. Take a small, inadequate space between the two. Now, focus on the one you have chosen and radiate love, snuggle if possible, and sigh loudly. At some point, the Chosen One will reach down and stroke or scratch you. That is the signal. Now, slowly stretch out your legs and push gently against the other. Not a lot. We are playing a game of inches here. Just enough to open a little space and introduce the idea of moving over.
Human in training. Note the subtle head press holding him in position. (Photo © Barbara Davilman)
Human in training. Note the subtle head press holding him in position. (Photo © Barbara Davilman)Once the One-Not-Chosen has wriggled away a little and given you some space, I guarantee that within a week you will have that one clinging to the edge of the bed. Then you can roll over and work the other side of the bed.
And don’t be too proud to play the diva card, if necessary. They are probably expecting it -- you are an Irish Setter, after all.
